Seven Red

It’s getting a little heavy in here, I’ll admit, so I want to lighten the mood a little with story time. Every night, as part of the going-to-bed ritual, I have to tell Ellie a story. Note that I didn’t say I have to read her a story. No. I have to make up a story for her, on the spot. So, a few of the story series:

1) The Good Witch – The Good Witch stories always start off the same way. Ellie is watching TV with her daycare friends (Elliot, Gwendolyn, Zoe, Sadie, and MaeBelle), when the Good Witch comes on the television and proposes some adventure. Ellie and her friends have to help out some other kid in trouble in some part of the world. So, in one, they brought water across the desert to a village. In another, they saved a town from a giant snake. And the like. They always get to the place by saying the place name three times, and get back by saying “Chicago Chicago Chicago.”

2) Brooklyn Stories – These are a subset of the Good Witch stories. Rather than have a different kid-who-needs-help and place for each one, however, all these stories take place in Brooklyn, and involve the same kid and antagonist. Ellie has requested these almost non-stop since we got back from our trip. They start off with the Good Witch coming on TV, as per usual. The kid-who-needs-help is their friend in Brooklyn, Pinky McCoy, who has a green-haired dog named Punkrock. Pinky is plagued by the Meanest Boy in Brooklyn, a little jerk named Meanie Meanie Roger Marini, who is constantly stealing her shit and otherwise effing with her. How is he the meanest boy in Brooklyn? One time, he jackhammered the sidewalk so no kids could ride their bikes. One time, he stole all the balls in town and sunk them in the Hudson River, so no kids could play ball. One time, he glued the doors of the aquarium shut so no kids could see the fish. But he’s got a special vendetta against Pinky McCoy. In one story, he kidnapped all her dogs, including Punkrock. Another time he flooded her basement and put a shark in it. They funneled it out with the help of the New York Aquarium, which didn’t particularly like Meanie Meanie Roger Marini anyway, on account of the door-gluing incident. And etc. Each time, the kids have to say “Brooklyn Brooklyn Brooklyn,” at which point they are transported magically to Pinky McCoy’s house, where they solve some problem caused by Roger Marini. When they’ve solved the problem (for instance, rescuing Pinky’s tent so they can camp out in her yard), Roger Marini always says “Drat! Foiled again!” Ellie loves saying this. One more twist to the Brooklyn series. After they’ve foiled Roger Marini, Ellie insists that they all visit Aunt Allison and Zio Fredo’s apartment, at which point Ellie has to recount what happened to Aunt Allison (which turns out to be a nice little test in comprehension), and then has chocolate milk made for her by Zio Fredo: first you pour the milk, then you squirt the syrup…and then what? “Stir! Stir! Stir!” Two weeks of these.

3) Stuffed Animal Series – Then there are the stories deriving from Ellie’s stuffed animals. First, the Gypo the Giraffe stories. Gypo is sitting at home one day, when he suddenly gets a call from his friend DeeDeeDee the Lion. There’s going to be a dance party at the townhall! But poor Gypo doesn’t know how to dance! First he watches a dance show on television, but when he sees the people dancing he says “I…..don’t like that dance!” then he watches a dance movie DVD. “I…..don’t like that dance!” So he goes to the movies to learn to dance from a movie in the theater. But he doesn’t like that dance either (you always have to say “I…..don’t like that dance!”). He goes to a ballet studio. “I…..don’t like that dance!” He goes to a dancehall. “I…..don’t like that dance!” But finally, it’s time to go to the dance party at the townhall. He meets DeeDeeDee the Lion and Ellie, and then the music starts. He didn’t like any of the dances by themselves, so he combines them all together, at which point DeeDeeDee says “I…..don’t like that dance!” There’s a variation in which he pays a dance instructor, but doesn’t have enough money, so he goes to work at various businesses in the neighborhood. When he comes back with the money, the dance instructor informs him that he already knows how to dance, because that’s what he’s been doing all day: Gypo’s dance is sweeping and folding, and watching dishes, Mr. Miyagi-style, and so forth. Then there are the Henry the Parrot stories, in which a city parrot always longs to fly to South America, but makes some mistake that prevents it, like trying to follow Canadian Geese south for the winter only to learn it is spring, and they are flying back north. Then there are the Slippo the Hippo stories. Slippo is an entrepreneur who makes the best tasting mud pies ever, so Ellie gets the back story on how he got the recipe and ingredients together, like when he met a little man who lived in a tree who made the best cocoa in the whole world. On and on like this.

What I’ve learned: It’s pretty goddamn hard to make up a new story every night.

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