Jan 15 2009
Notes on Winter
So, yes, I had to be one of the numerous jackasses who felt the need to comment on how cold it is in my Facebook status. Sue me. It’s unusual. Still, mentioning that it’s like, really friggin’ cold is about as interesting as recounting the plot of a sitcom you saw last night, or telling detailed stories about the goings-on in the life of your cat. So now I will add more.
- Clothing – I’m always amused by the outfits people wear when the forecast says it will be 25 below zero with the windchill. It’s like any thought of aesthetics goes out the window as you tend toward a particular limit, and everything goes super-functional very quickly. The major effect, as I see it, is that everybody ends up having to turn their whole bodies in order to look to the right and left, because the scarf-hood combinations end up acting like blinders. It leads to an odd sort of visual in a major city, because everyone’s gait is slowed, and you get these almost robotic movements, as if the population has itself slowed down like molecules. As for me, it’s not like I’m wearing she‘s yoga pants under my jeans or anything like that. Oh, wait. It is like that.
- Clothing, Part 2 – Thus far, I haven’t encountered any of those total assclowns who wear shorts on the coldest day of the year in order to show you how they’ve mastered the physical environment. This particular brand of imbecile was extremely common when I was in college, but it may be a localized Northeast sort of practice. And suddenly, rumors of the “more practically minded” Midwesterners start to make sense.
- Frosty – How is it that I have a frozen windshield on the inside of my car? Can any science heads help me with this? My hypothesis is as follows: the snow that has fallen or been footshovelled into the car evaporates somewhat, but then immediately freezes when it comes into contact with the glass. She’s hypothesis was as follows: a) You’re wrong, and b) It must have something to do with the temperature. Well, no shit. On both points. I suppose it will remain a mystery.
- Icicles – Giant, huge, incredible icicles. Eight, ten, fourteen feet long. Clustered in massive packs.
So, wasn’t this fascinating? Oh, by the way, you should have seen what Willy the Cat did the other day. It was hilarious…
t’is true most Chicagoans bundle up against the cold, but there is a special breed of idiot that insists earmuffs are an adequate alternative to a hat. Yeah, maybe your ears won’t get frostbitten. I’m sure that will be of great comfort to your relatives when you DIE OF HYPOTHERMIA!
I saw the assclown at UNC today. Shorts, jacket, sneakers. Granted it is North Carolina, but still, it was cold enough to see your breath. They are advertising this as “the coldest weather in years” because it is supposed to stay below 32 for THE WHOLE DAY!!!
I almost want to make an exception for Southerners, because they don’t know what they’re doing in the cold, and they’re therefore so adorable when the temperature dips below freezing. In any case, I think this is the time of year that you’re happy you’re not in Ontario, even if it means being subjected to the “Shorts Guy” once in awhile. And it’s always a guy, isn’t it?
I think I can guess why there is ice on the inside of the window. The condensation from my breath freezes on the glass. This seems to happen only when it’s well below zero. I didn’t notice it last year (my first year in Minnesota), but it wasn’t as often this cold then. This year being one of the coldest in five years, the natives here tell me. And I can sometimes actually watch the ice form right before my eyes immediately after I get into my car. What confuses me is why the back window accumulates some of this interior ice when I’m not in the car, but the front window only accumulates it when I am in. Also, the ice on the inside seems to happen when I park my car outside, and not when I park it in a garage. (Note, my garage is in a detached building, so it’s not in any way heated.) Why should that matter? So, perhaps my hypothesis is incorrect, or incomplete, but I’m guessing it has to do with how the water in my breath responds to the rapidly changing temperature of the window pane, since the back window has those electric heater threads in it. If it’s just cold and the same temperature inside as out, then you don’t get the ice because the water in your breath sublimates instantly. But when the temperature fluctuates as you drive and park, drive and park, then you have periods of warmth on the inside and extreme cold on the outside, so there are a few minutes when the water can attach to the glass before it freezes.
The real question I have is not WHY this is happening, but WHAT I should do about it? It’s not like I can apply the ice-scraper to the inside of the car… so I’ve just been sitting, waiting for the car to get warm enough, before I drive. Maybe this is a dumb question.
And an assclown walking about in shorts in 30 degrees is one thing, but in negative 30 degrees? Two entirely different events, two entirely different worlds. Not comparable at all. And yes, I have seen a child in shorts in below zero weather here, and I blame not the child, but the mother and father walking next to her.
Believe me, Steve, I am in the friggin’ car with the ice scraper, producing enough ice chips on the dashboard to make a super-sized slushy. I don’t have time for nonsense. The problem is that the inside of a windshield is apparently not designed with the same smooth surface as the outside, so you can’t get a good scrape going unless to ply the bastard with a little bit of windshield washer fluid on a rag. I’m all up in there, son. The real question, as she and I worked it out, is where the moisture comes from in the first place. I think it comes from the snow that gets dragged into the car. She thinks it seeps in from the outside because the car is not airtight (duh) and etcetera. As per usual, I’m utterly convinced that I’m right, because this type of shit only happens when there is significant snow on the ground getting dragged into the car, then sitting there, waiting to melt, evaporate, refreeze to the windshield, get chipped off, and remelt, and so on until the damned spring comes some time in July.
Also, agree that change in degree turns over into change in quality, etc. When are you coming to Chicago? Cuz you know we ain’t going up there if we’re complaining about this sort of shit.
hmm… so you and she believe it’s not the residual moisture from your breathes…. I guess you’re probably right since the ice is worse overnight
meanwhile, somebody explained to me that even a detached, unheated garage is still 20 degrees warmer than outside.
As for Chicago, I ought to apply for something at the Newberry library… ought to, anyway, considering the research agenda I’m supposed to have … pregnant ellipses… but I expect I’ll be in DC all summer instead for both curricular and extracurricular, except for May when I’m hoping (fingers crossed) to be leading a study-abraod in Tokyo for 3 weeks… the sake is on me, yo*
*in Japanese, sentences sometimes are finished with ka, ne, or yo… ka means ?, ne means something like n’est pas in french, or eh in Canadian, and yo is an emphatic, meaning something akin to what it now means in American English slang when you end a sentence with yo, except that they’ve been doing that in Japanese long before we have… sorede wa, sake ga boku da yo
oh, I forgot to add… I’m not sure how I feel about the new look for your blog… I miss the graffiti… but it always takes me a while to adjust to change, so pay no attention to me
Re: design: This is temporary while I design something else. I was tired of the gray in this long winter, and needed some color fast. Consider the current version a place holder. Yo.